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Bush's Surveillance Act

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What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine
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Bush's Surveillance Act

President Bush has urged the House to pass a bill that would broaden the surveillance powers of the government and protect phone companies from lawsuits for cooperating with warrantless wiretapping. Here are some of the provisions of the bill:

Federal agents have the right to intercept phone calls, read text messages, and listen in when you're whispering secrets to your friends without obtaining a warrant

Federal law enforcement officials, when asked to produce a warrant, are allowed to punch the inquiring individual in the mouth and say, "There's your warrant!"

Broadens the government's right to overhear free speech

Allows Department of Agriculture to wiretap suspicious-looking livestock

Investigators may interrupt any phone call and tell long-winded speakers to get to the point

Suspected terrorists who do not have long-distance service will be issued free phone cards

Bush gets another four years

Gives the Department of Homeland Security free rein to request a full book report on any book an individual has checked out of the library

American citizens cannot be spied on, with the exception of all of them

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