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Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Calderón's Communication Breakdown

When Mexican president Felipe Calderón spoke at the White House last week, the translation his office provided was grammatically incorrect and riddled with errors that sometimes changed his message altogether. Here are a few of the mistakes:

  • He Said: "Increased free trade will lead to greater economic freedom for all."
    Translated As: "The selling of things will be good for everybody who likes to buy things with money."
  • He Said: "I strongly disagree with the recently adopted law in Arizona."
    Translated As: "As a strong, recent man, I disagree with Arizona adoption law."
  • He Said: "Mexico pledges all its efforts to curb narcotics trafficking."
    Translated As: "Mexico will continue to feed America's voracious appetite for drugs, regardless of what our government does."
  • He Said: "If you work with me, I will tell you where the buried gold is."
    Translated As: "Let us work together for the prosperity of our great nations."
  • He Said: "Let us not allow our children to grow up in a world where the U.S. and Mexico are enemies."
    Translated As: "We are at war. Your children will all die."
  • He Said: "Our people risk their lives to come here and work hard in your fields and orchards."
    Translated As: "We come here like crazy people to grab your apples."
  • He Said: "Let's work to craft a legacy inspiring joy and vision."
    Translated As: "Kraftwerk's legacy inspired Joy Division."
  • He Said: "We're taking back Texas, fuckos!"
    Translated As: "Our two nations have never been closer."

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