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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Calderón's Communication Breakdown

When Mexican president Felipe Calderón spoke at the White House last week, the translation his office provided was grammatically incorrect and riddled with errors that sometimes changed his message altogether. Here are a few of the mistakes:

  • He Said: "Increased free trade will lead to greater economic freedom for all."
    Translated As: "The selling of things will be good for everybody who likes to buy things with money."
  • He Said: "I strongly disagree with the recently adopted law in Arizona."
    Translated As: "As a strong, recent man, I disagree with Arizona adoption law."
  • He Said: "Mexico pledges all its efforts to curb narcotics trafficking."
    Translated As: "Mexico will continue to feed America's voracious appetite for drugs, regardless of what our government does."
  • He Said: "If you work with me, I will tell you where the buried gold is."
    Translated As: "Let us work together for the prosperity of our great nations."
  • He Said: "Let us not allow our children to grow up in a world where the U.S. and Mexico are enemies."
    Translated As: "We are at war. Your children will all die."
  • He Said: "Our people risk their lives to come here and work hard in your fields and orchards."
    Translated As: "We come here like crazy people to grab your apples."
  • He Said: "Let's work to craft a legacy inspiring joy and vision."
    Translated As: "Kraftwerk's legacy inspired Joy Division."
  • He Said: "We're taking back Texas, fuckos!"
    Translated As: "Our two nations have never been closer."

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