adBlockCheck

Recent News

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
End Of Section
  • More News

California Facing Drought

With this spring being the driest on record for much of the state, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger declared California to be in an official drought. What is being done to offset the effects of the water crisis?

Gardeners must haul their own water from Mexico

Wolfgang Puck to unveil new line of waterless meals

Upon the conclusion of each Shamu Show at San Diego's SeaWorld, all persons seated in the Splash Zone must wring out their wet clothes over the lip of the orca tank

Local radio stations required to play Garbage's "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" on the hour

San Francisco will probably think up something young and hip to do

Wildfires only allowed to rage out of control on odd-numbered days

Spending $40 million to promote Napa Valley's new Chunky Pinot Noir

Top scientific minds will be summoned to see if they can somehow utilize the immense body of water immediately to the state's left

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close