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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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'Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2' Breaking Sales Records

During its first five days on the shelves, Activision's latest installment in the first-person-shooter video game franchise Call Of Duty brought in $550 million worldwide. What are the reasons for its popularity?

  • Somehow knows names and places of battles that are set to take place in the next few weeks
  • Multiplayer mode enables you to connect with friends, nonstop action prevents them from drawing you into meaningful conversation
  • 5,000 or more hours of game play qualifies player for VA health care
  • Not much good on TV
  • When you shoot barrels, they explode
  • The controller rumbles when your character is hit with a bullet, which is exactly what the human body does
  • Dutiful young Americans realizing just what they are being called to do
  • Offers homosexuals only opportunity to serve openly in the military
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