adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
End Of Section
  • More News

Candidate Profile: Donald Trump

Billionaire real estate mogul and television personality Donald Trump announced Tuesday plans to run in the 2016 presidential election, marking the first time he will formally seek the Republican nomination after floating the idea in several previous election cycles. Here are some key facts to know about Trump:

  • Wife: Unsatisfied
  • Net Worth: 3-4 presidential elections
  • Claim To Fame: First to refer to ISIS as “bozos”
  • Role: Billionaire who will have smallest impact on presidential race
  • Campaign Promise: Will turn America into an opulent destination for only the most exclusive citizens
  • Campaign Slogan: “I’m Going To Do This Every Four Years Until I Die”
  • Credentials: Proven job creator for desperate people who will do anything to be famous
  • Potential Liability: American people may not yet be progressive enough to elect mentally ill man
  • Vision For Presidency: 50 Miss USA finalists lined up along White House portico
  • Are We Just Enabling Him: Yes

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close