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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Candidates' Debate Preparations

Ahead of Wednesday’s first presidential debate, to be held at the University of Denver, both campaigns are carefully grooming their candidates to make the best possible impression on voters. Here’s how they’re preparing:

  • Romney engaging in practice debates with only black member of his campaign staff
  • Romney encouraged to pump up local crowd by making repeated references to the “Denver Broncos National Football League professional football team”
  • Obama staffers sending president’s suit to be professionally dry-cleaned
  • To put him at ease during nerve-racking debate, Romney will visualize the entire audience as rich
  • Along campaign trail, aides randomly pelting Obama with oranges that have a picture of Mitt Romney’s face taped to them
  • Handlers advising Romney to show some fire in his belly by just having him scream in response to any question the moderator asks him
  • Big smiles!
  • Color consultants working around the clock to dye Romney’s hair just the right shade of Reagan brown
  • Romney camp hiding all newspapers so he goes into the debate with confidence

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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