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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Celebrating John Madden

As John Madden walks off into football history, we look at the moments that made him a legend:

1936: Mary Margaret Madden feels what she believes is her child kicking, but is in actuality her unborn son John eating his twin brother

1958: Is drafted by the Eagles, but spends too much time talking about their "smashmouth style of old-school football that really shows what the NFL is all about" to get much better at playing

1970s: Apparently coached football somewhere around this time period

1979: Madden develops a fear of flying when he asks a flight attendant what would happen if the airplane crashed, to which she responds, "We would almost certainly die"

1987: Has sex for the first time

1998: Announces 16 regular season games and entire NFC playoffs with several bratwurst stuck in his esophagus

2003: While no one is looking, tries stuffing a turducken into a cow

2009: Realizes the game has finally passed him by upon seeing Ben Roethlisberger and Santonio Holmes celebrate their Super Bowl victory by making out a little bit

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