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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Celebrities Celebrate Valentine's Day

Like most Americans, celebrity couples enjoy going out to eat or buying flowers around this time of year. How are Hollywood sweethearts celebrating Valentine's Day?

Sam Mendes and Kate Winslet: Going to see The Reader, whooping whenever Winslet appears naked

Seal and Heidi Klum: Dinner at the Olive Garden, followed by a trip to the mall, so Klum can finally spend her $50 Victoria's Secret gift certificate, then on to a room at a nearby Best Western, where the pair will have awkward sex

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman: Hot, nasty, animalistic fucking

Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox: Watching DVDs of Beverly Hills 90210 as a notoriously jealous Austin Green forces Fox to make out with him during every scene involving Dylan

Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart: One kiss at 6:30 p.m.

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw: Red cowboy hats

Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins: Rediscovering their love for each other by discussing the Horn of Africa's female genital mutilation pandemic over a candlelight dinner

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn: Not sure, but it smells like burning tires

Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood: Oh, dear god, please, let it be a quiet night at home

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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