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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Celebrity Congressional Testimony

Last week, actor Dennis Quaid addressed Congress on the subject of medical errors following the near death of his twin infants. What other topics have celebrities brought before Congress?

Carlos Mencia—Formally apologizing for his provocative and controversial political humor

Liza Minnelli—Just here to sing a little song for you all

Matthew McConaughey—Researching role of do-nothing freshman senator that is disarmingly charismatic

Julia Roberts—Sought official renewal of her "America's Sweetheart" designation through 2013

Angelina Jolie—Making sure the members of the House know about babies

Lindsay Lohan—Rambling, incoherent rant about how it's not her fault

Matt Dillon—Sports

Mary-Kate Olsen—A new strategy to deal with increased violence in Iraq perpetrated by extremist cleric Muqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army

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