Celebrity Congressional Testimony

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Vol 44 Issue 21

Area Man Has Great Idea For Slam Dunk

TORRINGTON, WY—"I'm sitting on a gold mine here," said the revolutionary slam dunk’s creator Andy Rosenwald, noting that he himself is unable to dunk a basketball.
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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

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Celebrity Congressional Testimony

Last week, actor Dennis Quaid addressed Congress on the subject of medical errors following the near death of his twin infants. What other topics have celebrities brought before Congress?

Carlos Mencia—Formally apologizing for his provocative and controversial political humor

Liza Minnelli—Just here to sing a little song for you all

Matthew McConaughey—Researching role of do-nothing freshman senator that is disarmingly charismatic

Julia Roberts—Sought official renewal of her "America's Sweetheart" designation through 2013

Angelina Jolie—Making sure the members of the House know about babies

Lindsay Lohan—Rambling, incoherent rant about how it's not her fault

Matt Dillon—Sports

Mary-Kate Olsen—A new strategy to deal with increased violence in Iraq perpetrated by extremist cleric Muqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army

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