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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Celebrity Drug Busts

Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora is the latest in a rash of celebrities charged with DUI. What other celebrities have suffered public or legal embarrassment for being under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

Alan Alda: Slightly dazed from a combination of Chablis and Flonase, Alda accidentally understated his interest income on Form 1040 Schedule B.

Charlie Rose: Video evidence shows Rose has been on ecstasy during every interview he's conducted since 1991.

Arianna Huffington: "Wooed" incessantly as an audience member during a taping of The Daily Show, even during the show's interview portion.

Amy Winehouse: Jaywalking.

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke: Lowered interest rates to negative 7.3 percent.

Willie Nelson: Bought another ounce of marijuana from the same undercover cop who busted him a month earlier.

Al Gore: Staggered into middle of the street, stopping traffic while he flipped off the sun.

Dame Judi Dench: Bar fight. Again.

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