Celebrity Drug Busts

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Celebrity Drug Busts

Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora is the latest in a rash of celebrities charged with DUI. What other celebrities have suffered public or legal embarrassment for being under the influence of drugs or alcohol?

Alan Alda: Slightly dazed from a combination of Chablis and Flonase, Alda accidentally understated his interest income on Form 1040 Schedule B.

Charlie Rose: Video evidence shows Rose has been on ecstasy during every interview he's conducted since 1991.

Arianna Huffington: "Wooed" incessantly as an audience member during a taping of The Daily Show, even during the show's interview portion.

Amy Winehouse: Jaywalking.

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke: Lowered interest rates to negative 7.3 percent.

Willie Nelson: Bought another ounce of marijuana from the same undercover cop who busted him a month earlier.

Al Gore: Staggered into middle of the street, stopping traffic while he flipped off the sun.

Dame Judi Dench: Bar fight. Again.