Championship Celebration Moments

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Vol 48 Issue 07

Oh Fuck, What The Fuck Is That?

Animal 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST A woman talks about the time she saw what had to be a centipede just sitting there in her bathroom—covered in fur and the size of her fucking arm—but when she came back it was gone and that's even more terrifying.

Smug New Mom Going To Start A Blog

SAN FRANCISCO—Three days after giving birth, first-time mother Courtney Baldritch has registered with the web service WordPress for the purpose of blogging the severely underdocumented experience of child-rearing.

Come Away With Me

Fox 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST Norah Jones sips a glass of wine and watches people have sex to Norah Jones songs.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Championship Celebration Moments

The Giants shut down Manhattan for half the day Tuesday with their NFL championship parade, and while magnificent, it didn't register alongside these epic sports victory celebrations:

  • 1984: After watching Fuzzy Zoeller take the U.S. Open title, more than 800,000 fans crowd the streets of lower Manhattan, trying desperately to get just one glimpse of their beloved hero
  • 1991: Pro Bowl MVP Jim Kelly rides the lead float through throngs of cheering AFC fans in downtown AFC City
  • 1994: Hakeem Olajuwon is strapped to the top of a station wagon so his head won’t slam into Houston's many low-clearance tunnels
  • 1997: Michael Jordan heroically overcomes the flu to sit on a float for an hour and glare at Chicagoans
  • 2001: The Arizona Diamondbacks regret not naming themselves the Phoenix Diamondbacks, as they have to spend 14 months attending a parade in each town in the state
  • 2010: The world champion New Orleans Saints hold the dullest, quietest, least-interesting parade in city history
  • 2019: When the underdog Vikings finally win a Super Bowl after many unsuccessful trips, the resulting jubilation and exuberance spills out into the streets of their home city, totally shutting Los Angeles down
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