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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Championship Celebration Moments

The Giants shut down Manhattan for half the day Tuesday with their NFL championship parade, and while magnificent, it didn't register alongside these epic sports victory celebrations:

  • 1984: After watching Fuzzy Zoeller take the U.S. Open title, more than 800,000 fans crowd the streets of lower Manhattan, trying desperately to get just one glimpse of their beloved hero
  • 1991: Pro Bowl MVP Jim Kelly rides the lead float through throngs of cheering AFC fans in downtown AFC City
  • 1994: Hakeem Olajuwon is strapped to the top of a station wagon so his head won’t slam into Houston's many low-clearance tunnels
  • 1997: Michael Jordan heroically overcomes the flu to sit on a float for an hour and glare at Chicagoans
  • 2001: The Arizona Diamondbacks regret not naming themselves the Phoenix Diamondbacks, as they have to spend 14 months attending a parade in each town in the state
  • 2010: The world champion New Orleans Saints hold the dullest, quietest, least-interesting parade in city history
  • 2019: When the underdog Vikings finally win a Super Bowl after many unsuccessful trips, the resulting jubilation and exuberance spills out into the streets of their home city, totally shutting Los Angeles down
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