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Championship Teams At The White House

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Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
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Championship Teams At The White House

The championship winner's White House visit is a hallowed tradition, but some have gone more smoothly than others. Here are some of the most memorable:

1902: Theodore Roosevelt honors self after felling particularly large elk

1943: After a perfunctory greeting, Franklin D. Roosevelt orders the world champion Yankees to get back to the front immediately

1974: Hard-nosed running back Larry Csonka of the NFL champion Miami Dolphins presents a ceremonial game ball to Gerald Ford, breaking the president's arm in four places

1978: Officials struggle to maintain order, several high-ranking Generals are flabbergasted, and President Carter dodges a bucketful of confetti during the Harlem Globetrotters' annual White House visit

1987: Ronald Reagan regales the Mets with more cocaine stories than they can handle

1992: Duke forward Grant Hill feels like a complete idiot for bringing a big bowl of fruit salad to the ceremony

1999: After being told President Clinton is "very busy," the WNBA champion Houston Comets are greeted by Secretary of Transportation Rodney Slater

2004: Although the Marlins are the reigning World Series champs, George W. Bush invites the Texas Rangers for a visit instead

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