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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Championship Teams At The White House

The championship winner's White House visit is a hallowed tradition, but some have gone more smoothly than others. Here are some of the most memorable:

1902: Theodore Roosevelt honors self after felling particularly large elk

1943: After a perfunctory greeting, Franklin D. Roosevelt orders the world champion Yankees to get back to the front immediately

1974: Hard-nosed running back Larry Csonka of the NFL champion Miami Dolphins presents a ceremonial game ball to Gerald Ford, breaking the president's arm in four places

1978: Officials struggle to maintain order, several high-ranking Generals are flabbergasted, and President Carter dodges a bucketful of confetti during the Harlem Globetrotters' annual White House visit

1987: Ronald Reagan regales the Mets with more cocaine stories than they can handle

1992: Duke forward Grant Hill feels like a complete idiot for bringing a big bowl of fruit salad to the ceremony

1999: After being told President Clinton is "very busy," the WNBA champion Houston Comets are greeted by Secretary of Transportation Rodney Slater

2004: Although the Marlins are the reigning World Series champs, George W. Bush invites the Texas Rangers for a visit instead

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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