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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Charlie Weis' Most Notable Notre Dame Moments

Charlie Weis has been fired as head coach of the Fighting Irish after five mostly troubled seasons. We look back on his tumultuous Notre Dame career.

  • 2004: Sports Illustrated announces Weis' hiring with two-page article titled "NOTRE DAME UNABLE TO GET URBAN MEYER"
  • 2005: Notre Dame offers Weis a 10-year extension after the Irish defense holds the Pitt offense to a 2-yard gain in the second quarter of Weis' first game
  • 2005: Weis promises the Irish will never go less than 2-3 against Michigan State on his watch
  • 2006: Weis learns that the foul-smelling string of beads hanging in quarterback Brady Quinn's locker is not a rosary
  • 2007: Though it takes six hours, a safety harness, two ladders, and a visit from the South Bend Fire Department, Weis finally touches the "Play Like a Champion Today" sign
  • 2008: In Weis' finest moment as coach of the Irish, a Quiznos opens half a block from the stadium
  • 2009: Under Weis' careful tutelage, running back Armando Allen gains 6 yards up the middle on second down in the third quarter against Nevada
  • 2015: Weis' 10-year contract runs out, capping an era of unparalleled success for Fighting Irish football

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