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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Chelsea Clinton Getting Married

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former president Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, is marrying Marc Mezvinsky this Saturday in a ceremony that will be attended by Barack Obama, Barbra Streisand, and Oprah Winfrey. Here's what to expect from the nuptials:

  • Misguided toast from drunk uncle about Chelsea's "ugly years"
  • Continuing a White House tradition, Chelsea will wear the famous wedding dress worn by such former first daughters as Jenna Bush, Caroline Kennedy, Tricia Nixon, and Margaret Truman
  • An ultimately unsuccessful but surprisingly robust challenge from the wedding of Ross Perot's daughter
  • Photo booth manned by Annie Leibovitz
  • Countless requests to have groom pointed out
  • Janet Reno finally catching the bouquet
  • Liberal elite drowning themselves in the fruit borne of overtaxing the middle-class
  • A self-indulgent New York Times Weddings section write-up to end all self-indulgent New York Times Weddings section write-ups

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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