adBlockCheck

Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Chelsea Clinton Getting Married

Chelsea Clinton, daughter of former president Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, is marrying Marc Mezvinsky this Saturday in a ceremony that will be attended by Barack Obama, Barbra Streisand, and Oprah Winfrey. Here's what to expect from the nuptials:

  • Misguided toast from drunk uncle about Chelsea's "ugly years"
  • Continuing a White House tradition, Chelsea will wear the famous wedding dress worn by such former first daughters as Jenna Bush, Caroline Kennedy, Tricia Nixon, and Margaret Truman
  • An ultimately unsuccessful but surprisingly robust challenge from the wedding of Ross Perot's daughter
  • Photo booth manned by Annie Leibovitz
  • Countless requests to have groom pointed out
  • Janet Reno finally catching the bouquet
  • Liberal elite drowning themselves in the fruit borne of overtaxing the middle-class
  • A self-indulgent New York Times Weddings section write-up to end all self-indulgent New York Times Weddings section write-ups

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close