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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Cheney's New Memoir

Former vice president Dick Cheney promised to have 'heads exploding' with his new memoir, In My Time. Here are some revelations from the book:

  • Eats his tuna can-and-all
  • Throughout book, American public told to shut up
  • When he said American troops would "be greeted as liberators" in Iraq, he meant it, and he still believes it
  • Somehow obtained and continues to possess all of the U.S. nuclear launch codes
  • Is only able to speak out of the left side of his mouth due to a massive stroke that has been ongoing since 1983
  • Once in late 2003, he let out a series of coarse wheezes that he confirmed was human laughter
  • He first got the idea for water-boarding after watching his entire family slowly drown
  • Really just the nicest guy you'll ever meet

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