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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Chilean Miners Rescued

Last week saw the dramatic rescue of 33 Chileans who spent a harrowing 69 days trapped in the Copiapó copper and gold mine. Here's how they spent their time underground:

  • Day 5: Someone finally gets brave enough to ask the guy who's been crying since Day 2 his name again
  • Day 8: All got really scared when a couple of the guys thought they saw a bat
  • Day 14: Still-surviving canary starts to piss everyone off
  • Day 18: Killed that asshole Diego who wouldn't shut up and told the surface crew that they had miscounted and there were, in fact, only 33 miners down there
  • Day 32: Contest to see who could eat the most gold ended in a 33-way tie
  • Day 40: Found tunnel to surface; decided not to tell the rescuers
  • Day 68: Tearful goodbyes to the Mole Men
  • Day 69: Shrugging off declarations of love and faith uttered inside the mine

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