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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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China Chokes Under Toxic Smog

Beijing has struggled with record air pollution this year, which has blotted out the sun, grounded flights, and affected the health and quality of life of millions. Here are some measures that China is taking to deal with the thick smog:

  • Gaining leverage over the smog by lending it enormous amounts of money
  • Compressing pollution into plastic ice cube trays and corn holders to sell to Americans
  • Ending use of gas-powered desks in all government buildings
  • Shooting dead any Tibetan before they have a chance to self-immolate and further pollute air
  • Asking ancestors to blow away smog with some sort of spirit wind or whatever
  • Building sweatshops to create millions and millions of tiny plastic fans
  • Planting a tree somewhere
  • Informing the populace that there is no smog
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