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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Clinton's Schedule Released

In order to assist her presidential bid, the William J. Clinton Presidential Library has made public 11,000 pages of Hillary Clinton's calendar while she was in the White House. Here are some of the notable excerpts:

Feb. 16, 1993, 10:15 a.m.—Pick Cambridge, VT as village that will raise Chelsea during her father's term.

March 11, 1993, 8:59 a.m.—Take deep breath; 9:00 a.m.—Introduce new, shorter haircut to American people.

April 27, 1994, 3:00 p.m.—Finish The New York Times crossword puzzle during Nixon's funeral.

Dec. 20, 1995, 7 p.m.—Attempt to decorate White House Christmas tree, then put down box of ornaments, say "This is bullshit," and walk out.

Jan. 25, 1996, 4:15 p.m.—Document Shred-a-Thon '96.

Aug. 21, 1999, 4:38 a.m.—After screening The Sixth Sense, order Secret Service to check on every noise you hear during the night.

Sept. 18, 1999, 5:00 p.m.—Sigh wistfully, pine for Arkansas, a place you never really got to know...not really.

Jan. 19, 2001, 5:00 p.m.— Buy New York Yankees hat. Run over it with car three or four times to give it worn look.

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