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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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College Football Highlights 2009

As the national championship game approaches, we take a moment to reflect on the standout moments of the 2009 NCAA football season.

  • Week 1: Just before the opening kickoff of his first game of the season, Tim Tebow wins the 2009 Heisman
  • Week 4: Defensive end Adrian Clayborn gets the momentum going for Iowa in their win over Penn State after he blocks a punt and returns it 53 yards, then kicks an onside kick, recovers the fumble, and leads the team downfield with an eight-play, 46-yard drive
  • Week 5: By riding out the clock at the end of its victory against Utah State, BYU achieves its time-of-posession goal of 31 minutes and 15 seconds
  • Week 9: The phrase "I think the basketball team is supposed to be pretty good this year" overheard in dining halls across the Notre Dame campus
  • Week 11: Boise State complains about how the WAC gets no respect through entire 63-25 win over Idaho
  • Week 12: Some team you've never heard of from a terrible conference you've never heard of continues its undefeated season
  • Week 14: West Virginia linebacker J.T. Thomas makes a genius—albeit a bit unorthodox—decision to catch a pass from Rutgers quarterback Tom Savage with two minutes to play, which, in accordance with NCAA rules, gives West Virginia possession of the ball
  • Week 15: Some guy in a suit taps Nebraska tackle Ndamukong Suh on the shoulder and hands him the Bronko Nagurski Trophy
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