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College Football Signing Day

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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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College Football Signing Day

As Signing Day approaches, Onion Sports analysts break down the nation's top prep prospects.

  • Mario Edwards: At 6-foot-4, 297 pounds, he’s easily the freakiest of the freaks of nature that populate the top of the recruiting list
  • Stefan Cummins: Prototypical right tackle's body, which is a nice way of saying this kid is pretty disgusting
  • Delonte Charles: Division I-A talent nonetheless looking mostly at Big East schools
  • Jim Billings: A great punter, Billings would make a very useful addition to any team not embarrassed to be recruiting a punter
  • Jamal Jefferson: The Arizona State commitment is expected to play right away, but it would be nice if they at least let him unpack his stuff first
  • Cregg MacAlister: Has an unusual combination of size and agility, because when a man is 565 pounds it's not normal for him to be able to move at all
  • Eddie Williams: Will probably redshirt his first year at Alabama, because that is what color shirts they wear
  • Ted Ginn III: The new Ted Ginn is out!

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