College Meal Plans

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Despite leading the U.S. men’s national team through the so-called “Group of Death” in the 2014 World Cup, Jurgen Klinsmann has come under heavy criticism this week after his side finished fourth in the 2015 Gold Cup. Is he any good?

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College Meal Plans

As they head to college for the first time, freshmen will be faced with a wide array of meal plans through their dormitories. The choices can be dizzying. Here are some of the typical university dining options.

  • The Girl, Interrupted: 2 daily servings of Vicodin, Valium, laxative, unlimited coffee. $20/week with insurance, $80 without
  • The Open-minded Bohemian: Includes daily vegan, macrobiotic, menudo, and beef-tongue options. $100/week
  • The Freshman 15: Unlimited access to mouthwatering sundae bar, Otis Spunkmeyer cookies, and Domino's Pizza. $20/week
  • The Thrifty: Daily portions of leftover rolls, perfectly good remains of mostly uneaten personal pan pizza, excess fries, and one bonus meal a week consisting of whatever is left in the kitchen that just isn't moving. $10/week
  • The Latchkey Kid: A loaf of Wonder Bread, a package of Oscar Mayer bologna, a box of Cheerios, and a quart of whole milk. $30/week
  • The 72: If you can eat your college's signature 72-ounce frittata with Diet Coke and noodles in one hour, you don't have to pay. $2,000/$0
  • The Breakfast Anytime: Provides preferred round-the-clock waffle-station access to those wearing pajama pants. $115/week