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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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College Sports Cutbacks

As the economy founders, we look at some of the ways the athletic departments of our nation's universities are tightening their belts:

Fresno State: Even the 2008 College World Series champs will be forced to play the entire season with only two bases

Boston University: Financially stable after receiving the vast riches that come with winning the NCAA Hockey Championship

Ohio State: After outstanding plays, Buckeyes football players will now receive Chiquita banana stickers for their helmets

USC: Women's gymnastics canceled following 77 percent rise in cost of scrunchies

Virginia: The JumboTron at Scott Stadium is being downgraded in size and pixel quality to a RegularTron

Michigan: Should be $11.5 billion in the black after next month's "Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is" alumni festival

Wisconsin: Beloved mascot Bucky Badger must suffer through yet another year without pants

UNC: Selling off Tyler Hansbrough for parts

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