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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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College Too Expensive?

The National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education issued a report last week warning that college costs are in danger of outstripping family income. What are some cost-cutting measures universities can take to ensure they're more affordable?

Not be so uptight about keeping campuses clean or safe

Charging only for amount learned

Proposed tax cut for students who can graduate in one semester

Replace RAs with 20-minute looped video on the dangers of STDs

Suggest students just bring along their old textbooks from high school

One communal shower per campus, totally unrelated DVD sales

Turn junior year abroad into a daylong bus ride down the interstate.

Lower tuition

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