adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Columnist Crackdown

Columnists Armstrong Williams, Maggie Gallagher, and Michael McManus are under fire for accepting payment for promoting Bush administration policies. Who else has received public money, and for what?
Columnists Armstrong Williams, Maggie Gallagher, and Michael McManus are under fire for accepting payment for promoting Bush administration policies. Who else has received public money, and for what?

Columnists Armstrong Williams, Maggie Gallagher, and Michael McManus are under fire for accepting payment for promoting Bush administration policies. Who else has received public money, and for what?

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close