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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Comic Book Movies Dominate Summer Box Office

With The Avengers having taken in $1.5 billion worldwide, and the final installment of the Batman trilogy due in theaters this month, movie companies are rushing to option more comic book properties. Here are some currently in production:

  • Wizard Of Id: Christopher Nolan directs this gritty take on the corrupt world of Id, a medieval land ruled with an iron fist by a corrupt tyrant (Peter Dinklage)
  • Captain America 2: Marvel gives audiences exactly what they want: a two-hour-long montage of Captain America struggling in vain to grasp modern technology
  • Wonder Woman: Someone went through Joss Whedon's trash, found some notes, and ran with it; no invisible jet—she’s basically a really strong Mary Tyler Moore
  • Bean’s Crazy Fruit Stand: Based on the famous ’20s comic, this modern-day telling shows the adventures of young go-getter Billy Beans and the hazards of selling fruit next to a whorehouse
  • Kir-B: A Golden and Silver Age comic book artist, who tragically perished before his works were turned into blockbusters, is revived as an invincible cyborg who takes his revenge on the evil corporation that earned billions on his creations
  • Plastic Man’s Ocean Adventure: Trapped in the form of six-pack rings, Plastic Man wraps himself tightly around the neck of a pelican and embarks on a magical journey across the Atlantic
  • My Comic Book, By Tony: Eight-year-old Tony Janson’s graphic tale of a post-podiatrist-appointment trip to get ice cream comes to life
  • Prez: Come hell or high water, you're going to have a $250 million production of this 1973 DC Comics series about a teen president of the United States, even if the original comic was a total failure, because that's how we do it now, dammit

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