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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Common Benefits Of Cat Ownership

  • Cats are adept at defending your home from mouse-sized robbers.
  • Now you’ll have something to do with your hands as you detail your diabolical schemes to a captured secret agent.
  • Recent studies have shown that cat owners feel superior to others after being told of recent studies proving cat owners are superior to those around them.
  • Adopting a cat means that those second-rate children’s names you’ve been sitting on might finally be put to use.
  • Taking care of a pet can teach children responsibility and never to leave the screen door open.


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