adBlockCheck

Recent News

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
End Of Section
  • More News

Common Benefits Of Cat Ownership

  • Cats are adept at defending your home from mouse-sized robbers.
  • Now you’ll have something to do with your hands as you detail your diabolical schemes to a captured secret agent.
  • Recent studies have shown that cat owners feel superior to others after being told of recent studies proving cat owners are superior to those around them.
  • Adopting a cat means that those second-rate children’s names you’ve been sitting on might finally be put to use.
  • Taking care of a pet can teach children responsibility and never to leave the screen door open.


More from this section

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close