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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Conditions Of Michael Vick's Reinstatement

Commissioner Roger Goodell has granted talented but controversial quarterback Michael Vick conditional reinstatement in the NFL. Some of the terms of his second chance:

Vick will have access to the NFL gym, but only during off-peak hours

Can date any women he wants, as long as he promises not to pit them against each other in fights to the death

Should Vick eventually get into an NFL game, he will be confined to pocket-arrest

Half of Vick's salary will go to a pit bull of Goodell's choosing

Cannot kill dogs unless celebrating touchdown of 20 yards or more

Learn to throw an accurate pass, for the love of Christ

Must completely turn his life around and become a selfless team player, a pillar of the community, and a friend to animals and children, eventually coming to embody the spirit of redemption in a world that sees it all too rarely

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