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Conditions Of Michael Vick's Reinstatement

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Conditions Of Michael Vick's Reinstatement

Commissioner Roger Goodell has granted talented but controversial quarterback Michael Vick conditional reinstatement in the NFL. Some of the terms of his second chance:

Vick will have access to the NFL gym, but only during off-peak hours

Can date any women he wants, as long as he promises not to pit them against each other in fights to the death

Should Vick eventually get into an NFL game, he will be confined to pocket-arrest

Half of Vick's salary will go to a pit bull of Goodell's choosing

Cannot kill dogs unless celebrating touchdown of 20 yards or more

Learn to throw an accurate pass, for the love of Christ

Must completely turn his life around and become a selfless team player, a pillar of the community, and a friend to animals and children, eventually coming to embody the spirit of redemption in a world that sees it all too rarely

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