The 113th United States Congress returns to Capitol Hill this week. Here are some of the key issues that will define their upcoming session:
- Debt Ceiling: Christ, again with this shit.
- Americans With Disabilities Act: In an effort to reconnect with old fans, Congress is hoping to pass this 1990 favorite once more.
- Obamacare: Time is of the essence as the start of 2014 leaves Congress with just 5,437 more attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act.
- CornTalk FM: Congress is expected to pass a continuing resolution to fund Tom Vilsack’s long-running agriculture-themed morning radio show for another 8 months.
- Gun Control, Climate Change, Mass Incarceration, Crumbling Infrastructure, Endemic Segregation: Continue ignoring these.
- 3D-Printed Plastic Guns: Not a pressing issue because, come on, they're made of plastic. Essentially, these are just toys we're talking about, right?
- Conservation Efforts For The Lark Sparrow: As has been the case for the past 6 years, tireless legislators on both sides of the aisle are determined to save the endangered passerine bird from extinction.
- Midterm Elections: Mere months away, although at a time when so many significant domestic and international issues need to be addressed, politics is the last thing that Congress is thinking about right now.