Congress’ Agenda For 2014

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Vol 50 Issue 01

Food Companies Cut 6.4 Trillion Calories From Products

A study has found that a group of 16 major food companies including Kraft and Coca-Cola cut a total of 6.4 trillion calories from their products between 2007 and 2012, far exceeding their pledge to slash 1.5 trillion calories by 2015.
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Congress’ Agenda For 2014

The 113th United States Congress returns to Capitol Hill this week. Here are some of the key issues that will define their upcoming session:

  • Debt Ceiling: Christ, again with this shit.
  • Americans With Disabilities Act: In an effort to reconnect with old fans, Congress is hoping to pass this 1990 favorite once more.
  • Obamacare: Time is of the essence as the start of 2014 leaves Congress with just 5,437 more attempts to repeal the Affordable Care Act.
  • CornTalk FM: Congress is expected to pass a continuing resolution to fund Tom Vilsack’s long-running agriculture-themed morning radio show for another 8 months.
  • Gun Control, Climate Change, Mass Incarceration, Crumbling Infrastructure, Endemic Segregation: Continue ignoring these.
  • 3D-Printed Plastic Guns: Not a pressing issue because, come on, they're made of plastic. Essentially, these are just toys we're talking about, right?
  • Conservation Efforts For The Lark Sparrow: As has been the case for the past 6 years, tireless legislators on both sides of the aisle are determined to save the endangered passerine bird from extinction.
  • Midterm Elections: Mere months away, although at a time when so many significant domestic and international issues need to be addressed, politics is the last thing that Congress is thinking about right now.
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