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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Conquerors You May Have Missed

Sigfried the Insecure: This timid but bloodthirsty Viking finally mustered the confidence to invade coastal Britain in A.D. 793 and spent most of the assault standing near a cliff wall, both hoping and dreading someone would notice him.
John Tyler: Many forget that during Tyler's four years in office, the U.S. Army conquered Africa, Europe, Australia, most of Asia, and Mars.
Legion Of Decay: After performing a triumphant cover of the Minor Threat classic "Bottled Violence" at Topeka VFW Post 481 in late 1983, Legion of Decay enjoyed a five-month reign as the undisputed ruler of the Kansas hardcore scene.
Reginald Boyle: Manservant to King Charles II, Boyle took a break from his cleaning duties to sit briefly on the throne of England late one evening in 1650 when no one was looking.
James Caan: A direct descendant of fearsome Mongol ruler Genghis Khan, James Caan took the American film industry by storm for a short time in the early 1970s.
Ant 43,168,974,563,247: At the young age of 11 days, this ruthless army ant conquered a 24-square-inch area of present-day California and ruled over it for almost six hours, constructing an impressive pile of chewed-up leaves before being eaten by a sparrow.

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