adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

Controversial Hall of Fame Selections

Voters almost unanimously sent Rickey Henderson to Cooperstown, but some inductees barely made the cut. We run down the controversies, debates, and scandals surrounding these marginal Hall of Famers:

Jim Rice: Inducted because, adjusted for inflation, his 39 home run season in 1979 would be the equivalent of an 88 homerun season in 2007

Cal Ripken, Jr.: Though he broke Lou Gehrig's consecutive-games-played streak, many point out that Ripken never recorded a major league hit

Max Carey: Who the hell is Max Carey?

Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown: Though he is considered one of the greatest pitchers of all time, many resisted Brown's induction on the grounds that he was only "98 percent of a man"

Gary Carter: Was somehow able to compile 324 home runs as a catcher despite playing a good deal of his career for something called the "Montreal Expos"

Cy Young: Retired with a major league record 511 wins, but rules at the time allowed players to claim a win whenever they wanted one

Robin Yount: Although the three-time all-star had a solid 20-year career with the Brewers, he never would have made it on the first ballot if his 385 cousins weren't voters

Babe Ruth: Fat

Ty Cobb: Had a lifetime .367 batting average, but also a lifetime .985 racist average

Honus Wagner: Though he was one of baseball's first Hall of Famers, his selection is controversial because Wagner paid Abner Doubleday $2 million to construct a Baseball Hall of Fame and place him in it

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close