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Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Controversy Over ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ Sequel

A group of Hollywood producers announced they are working on a sequel to the classic 1946 Christmas film It’s A Wonderful Life, although Paramount Pictures, which owns the rights to the original film, has said it will fight to keep It’s A Wonderful Life: The Rest Of The Story from being made. Here are the plot points of the sequel that have stirred controversy:

  • Begins with 30-second recap of what happened previously on It’s A Wonderful Life
  • Opening scene features 15-minute statement from producers explaining exactly why they felt they needed to do this
  • Set in a post-9/11 climate of Christmas and fear
  • Returning theme of how important friends are and how you should only commit suicide if you have none
  • Takes place in Fort Lauderdale during spring break
  • Utilizes 3D camera technology to make church bells come right at viewer
  • Titular line delivered sarcastically
  • 45 minutes of medical footage detailing George Bailey’s ear surgery
  • In every scene, the ghost of Jimmy Stewart shakes his head disapprovingly

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