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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Cooking For Large Groups

As the warmer weather approaches, many people will open their houses to larger dinner parties. Here are some ways to take the sting out of cooking for a large group of people:

  • Nobody likes to be left out, so before you entertain outdoors, make sure to contact all your neighbors and tell them a big flood’s coming and the neighborhood is being evacuated
  • Hail a passing taco truck
  • Salads are a quick and easy dish if you don't give a shit about your guests
  • Put out a tub of wine and a shitload of straws
  • Take time to imagine having sex with everyone at your party: When guests arrive, have sex with them for real, and afterward, enjoy a silent dinner
  • Because of their religious beliefs, some guests may not eat certain foods; be sure to call them beforehand and remind them God does not exist
  • Most pies are apple
  • Only let the first five guests who show up eat
  • Make the food taste real good; people like that
  • Why not try crumbling a few bowel-suppressant caplets into the meal so that those monsters don't clog up your toiletthis time?
  • Choose one color of food and stick with it

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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

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