Covering The Royal Wedding

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Vol 47 Issue 17

Mariano Rivera Yelled At For Blowing Save

NEW YORK—Following Mariano Rivera's second consecutive blown save Sunday, coaches and executives led the11-time All Star and World Series MVP into an office, slammed the door shut, and reamed him out for several minutes, team sources reported.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Covering The Royal Wedding

The media is going to great lengths to cover the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton this Friday, with CNN alone dedicating 125 reporters to the event. Here are some of the extremes media outlets are undertaking:

  • National Geographic: Placing two teams of cameramen in blinds outside Westminster Abbey for three months, waiting to get that perfect shot of the nesting pair
  • New York Post: Shoe mirrors to see who Middleton is wearing, panty-wise
  • The Sun: Having an anonymous source plant an alien inside the reception, hiring a translator to find out what it experienced
  • 60 Minutes: Sending a blond-bewigged Morley Safer through security as Camilla Parker Bowles
  • BBC: Using its TARDIS to materialize inside the security perimeter
  • Dateline NBC: Erecting a decoy abbey right next to Westminster and ambush-interviewing whichever guests mistakenly walk in
  • Agence-France Presse: Sending a correspondent to Calais with a telescope to confirm that the boorish English and their cloud-condemned island are still there
  • Cat Fancy: Four-part series on the growing irrelevance of the British royalty and its long-term effect on the working class
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