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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
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Cruel Summer

According to scientists, flooding and wet weather have led to unusually high mosquito populations this summer, and the accompanying heat wave has resulted in numerous deaths. Here are some of the other difficulties people are facing this summer:

  • It will oftentimes be too hot to leave the comfort of air-conditioning to watch the scantily clad neighbor lady wash her car
  • Getting timing of summer romance end point just right
  • Wildfires and floods inconveniently not happening in the same place and time
  • Heat waves splitting America into distinct classes of Air Conditioner People and Fan People
  • Hot weather increasing chances of accidentally drinking something gross in mad scramble to quench thirst
  • Flooding reveals residents' lack of preparedness to be on TV
  • Raccoons not so cute now that they've shed all hair
  • Surplus of mosquitoes means that one can bite you as much as he wants while a bunch of others hold you down

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