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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Democrats Hold Annual Retreat

Last weekend, House Democrats convened in Maryland and met with Vice President Joe Biden and President Barack Obama for their annual retreat. Here are some highlights of the meeting:

  • iMovie slide show of when health care reform bill passed
  • Broke into groups to write skits about Social Security reform
  • Seminar on how to exploit gay marriage laws to legally marry a dog
  • Determined where the safest seats are in the new Republican-controlled cafeteria
  • Drew straws to see who would shoot over to the rez for a couple cartons
  • Motion to further determine the reasons why Rep. Yvette Clarke (D-NY) can't seem to find a good man
  • Made sure everyone was on board with plan to clap really hard at everything Obama said during State of the Union address
  • Discussion on how much they miss Sen. Feingold

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