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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Democrats Hold Annual Retreat

Last weekend, House Democrats convened in Maryland and met with Vice President Joe Biden and President Barack Obama for their annual retreat. Here are some highlights of the meeting:

  • iMovie slide show of when health care reform bill passed
  • Broke into groups to write skits about Social Security reform
  • Seminar on how to exploit gay marriage laws to legally marry a dog
  • Determined where the safest seats are in the new Republican-controlled cafeteria
  • Drew straws to see who would shoot over to the rez for a couple cartons
  • Motion to further determine the reasons why Rep. Yvette Clarke (D-NY) can't seem to find a good man
  • Made sure everyone was on board with plan to clap really hard at everything Obama said during State of the Union address
  • Discussion on how much they miss Sen. Feingold

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