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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Details Of The NFL Bounty Scandal

The NFL’s bounty investigation has triggered one of the biggest scandals in league history, and it’s no simple matter. Onion Sports breaks down the most important points:

  • Then-Saints defensive coordinator came up with the plan as a tax dodge when his old system of fining players for leaving opponents unhurt generated too much income
  • The 31 NFL defensive coordinators who are not Gregg Williams heard the words "NFL bounty scandal" and began sweating
  • Unfortunately, no Saints player was able to collect the $500,000 bounty offered to anyone who destroyed that stupid pirate ship in Tampa Bay's stadium
  • Some players felt the bounties were cruel and wrongheaded, as the bonus for player death was only $500
  • When the bounty program was suspended out of fear of discovery during the 2010 playoffs, Saints defensive players went on a tackling strike against Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks in the Wild Card round
  • One of the few positive aspects of the bounty system was that Saints players volunteered to brutally injure middle school bullies free of charge as part of the NFL's United Way initiative
  • Pool to injure Brett Favre was actually funded by fans across the country, every other team in the league, and the NFL itself

More from this section

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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