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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Details Of The NFL Bounty Scandal

The NFL’s bounty investigation has triggered one of the biggest scandals in league history, and it’s no simple matter. Onion Sports breaks down the most important points:

  • Then-Saints defensive coordinator came up with the plan as a tax dodge when his old system of fining players for leaving opponents unhurt generated too much income
  • The 31 NFL defensive coordinators who are not Gregg Williams heard the words "NFL bounty scandal" and began sweating
  • Unfortunately, no Saints player was able to collect the $500,000 bounty offered to anyone who destroyed that stupid pirate ship in Tampa Bay's stadium
  • Some players felt the bounties were cruel and wrongheaded, as the bonus for player death was only $500
  • When the bounty program was suspended out of fear of discovery during the 2010 playoffs, Saints defensive players went on a tackling strike against Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks in the Wild Card round
  • One of the few positive aspects of the bounty system was that Saints players volunteered to brutally injure middle school bullies free of charge as part of the NFL's United Way initiative
  • Pool to injure Brett Favre was actually funded by fans across the country, every other team in the league, and the NFL itself

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