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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Details Of The NFL Bounty Scandal

The NFL’s bounty investigation has triggered one of the biggest scandals in league history, and it’s no simple matter. Onion Sports breaks down the most important points:

  • Then-Saints defensive coordinator came up with the plan as a tax dodge when his old system of fining players for leaving opponents unhurt generated too much income
  • The 31 NFL defensive coordinators who are not Gregg Williams heard the words "NFL bounty scandal" and began sweating
  • Unfortunately, no Saints player was able to collect the $500,000 bounty offered to anyone who destroyed that stupid pirate ship in Tampa Bay's stadium
  • Some players felt the bounties were cruel and wrongheaded, as the bonus for player death was only $500
  • When the bounty program was suspended out of fear of discovery during the 2010 playoffs, Saints defensive players went on a tackling strike against Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks in the Wild Card round
  • One of the few positive aspects of the bounty system was that Saints players volunteered to brutally injure middle school bullies free of charge as part of the NFL's United Way initiative
  • Pool to injure Brett Favre was actually funded by fans across the country, every other team in the league, and the NFL itself

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