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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Dollar Weakest In 31 Years

For the first time since 1976, the Canadian dollar has achieved parity with the American dollar. What are the factors behind the slide of American currency?

American $1 bills made of flimsy paper

Too many other nations going to night school and bettering their economies

Highly effective Visa commercials that paint cash in bad light

Only fitting tribute to Gerald Ford anybody could come up with

Currency traders starting to appreciate pictures on Canadian bills

Rampant abuse of retailers' "take a penny, leave a penny" jars

China finally collected them all

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