Donaghy's Warning Signs

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 30

Farewell, Weekly World News

Weekly World News, home to columnist Ed Anger and exclusive coverage of Bat Boy, will cease publication as of August 3. What do you...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Donaghy's Warning Signs

Many NBA fans suspected that something was wrong with NBA officiating long before the Donaghy scandal broke. Official review of the games he worked reveals the following suspicious behavior on Donaghy's part:

Presided over first shutout in NBA history

Called a three-second violation on Shaquille O'Neal while O'Neal was out for three weeks with a hamstring injury

Once counted all the points scored by Suns gorilla mascot during halftime show toward game total in order to bring score within 11 points

Told friends that his favorite movie would be Forget Paris if Billy Crystal's NBA referee character was secretly working for the Mafia

Was reportedly seen sprinting off the court in an attempt to escape a "fan" who had been giving him the throat-slashing signal the entire game

Would sometimes tell players that, if they missed free throws, "they'll kill me and my children"

Usually seemed distracted while refereeing, as if performing complex mathematical calculations in his head

During crucial playoff games, Donaghy was regularly seen kneeling in front of scorer's table with his eyes closed and fingers crossed, chanting "Please please please please"

Joined the on-court celebration when the Spurs won the Finals

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More