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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Donaghy's Warning Signs

Many NBA fans suspected that something was wrong with NBA officiating long before the Donaghy scandal broke. Official review of the games he worked reveals the following suspicious behavior on Donaghy's part:

Presided over first shutout in NBA history

Called a three-second violation on Shaquille O'Neal while O'Neal was out for three weeks with a hamstring injury

Once counted all the points scored by Suns gorilla mascot during halftime show toward game total in order to bring score within 11 points

Told friends that his favorite movie would be Forget Paris if Billy Crystal's NBA referee character was secretly working for the Mafia

Was reportedly seen sprinting off the court in an attempt to escape a "fan" who had been giving him the throat-slashing signal the entire game

Would sometimes tell players that, if they missed free throws, "they'll kill me and my children"

Usually seemed distracted while refereeing, as if performing complex mathematical calculations in his head

During crucial playoff games, Donaghy was regularly seen kneeling in front of scorer's table with his eyes closed and fingers crossed, chanting "Please please please please"

Joined the on-court celebration when the Spurs won the Finals

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