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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.
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Dorm Room Essentials

With college right around the corner for millions of incoming freshmen, students across the country are shopping for sheets, towels, shower sandals, decorations, and other essential items to prepare for college life and make their dorm rooms feel like home. Here is a list of dorm room supplies every student should have:

  • A dozen 20-pound bags of dorm food
  • Mini-fridge for storing mildew
  • A convincing backstory
  • Large Homer Simpson beer mug full of dusty pennies
  • Backup fork in case main fork is dirty or lost
  • Fatally low alcohol tolerance
  • Frying pan to bang on wall in order to discreetly cover up sounds of masturbation
  • Life-size cardboard cutout of parents
  • Hot plate to establish rebel status, dominance over RA
  • Poster of Bob Marley watching A Clockwork Orange with Audrey Hepburn
  • A startup internet company you can sell for billions
  • Bunch of things your mom will insist are essential that will spend the next four years unopened in a storage container
  • Misplaced optimism

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