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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Drinkable Water For America's Cities

With the scarcity of drinkable water becoming a major issue on the horizon, cities across the United States are trying to find new sources of water or new ways to conserve water. Here are some of those methods:

MALIBU, CA—Purchasing a six-pack of Poland Spring's new 350 million-ounce City Jug™

TEMPE, AZ—Transcontinental straw enables residents to enjoy a refreshing sip of Lake Michigan water

HOUSTON—Residents are encouraged to aim "celebration guns" squarely at clouds

ATLANTA—Passing legislation mandating that people be composed of only 45 percent water

SANTA FE—Requiring a doctor's prescription to buy bottled water

GAINESVILLE, FL—Hot college coeds are encouraged to shower together

LOS ANGELES—This shouldn't have to be said, but please don't leave your faucet running while you go to work

MADISON, WI—Restaurants only required to wash dishes after every fourth use

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