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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Emerging Technologies

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2009 saw a number of eye-popping new gadgets and devices available on the consumer market. Here are some of the ones that really delivered:

Remote-Controlled Chocolate Fountain—Fresh dipping chocolate now ready and flowing whenever you're ready to get up off the couch.
Google G1—Users searching for specific contact information will be delighted by this hip new smartphone's "I'm Feeling Lucky" feature, which dials a random publicly listed phone number.
Wii Fit—Provides workouts for your fat avatar.
Amazon U2 Edition Kindle—Housed in a sleek black-and-red casing, this electronic reading device comes preloaded with U2's favorite books.
Canon PowerShot E1—This remarkable new device essentially freezes a moment in time, displays that singular moment visually on a small screen, and enables one to re-access that moment at any time one wishes, either using that device or a larger device with a looking-window attached.
The Apple Mini—This new miniature version of the major corporation Apple can be stored in a corporate headquarters the size of a matchbox.
Panasonic Toughbook—A laptop so thick and tough that it will scare the living shit out of you.
Hasbro A.M.P. Robot—Proves once and for all that listening to music is a lot better with a dancing robot than without a dancing robot.

More from this section

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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