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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Emerging Technologies

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2009 saw a number of eye-popping new gadgets and devices available on the consumer market. Here are some of the ones that really delivered:

Remote-Controlled Chocolate Fountain—Fresh dipping chocolate now ready and flowing whenever you're ready to get up off the couch.
Google G1—Users searching for specific contact information will be delighted by this hip new smartphone's "I'm Feeling Lucky" feature, which dials a random publicly listed phone number.
Wii Fit—Provides workouts for your fat avatar.
Amazon U2 Edition Kindle—Housed in a sleek black-and-red casing, this electronic reading device comes preloaded with U2's favorite books.
Canon PowerShot E1—This remarkable new device essentially freezes a moment in time, displays that singular moment visually on a small screen, and enables one to re-access that moment at any time one wishes, either using that device or a larger device with a looking-window attached.
The Apple Mini—This new miniature version of the major corporation Apple can be stored in a corporate headquarters the size of a matchbox.
Panasonic Toughbook—A laptop so thick and tough that it will scare the living shit out of you.
Hasbro A.M.P. Robot—Proves once and for all that listening to music is a lot better with a dancing robot than without a dancing robot.

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