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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Espionage In Sports

The Patriots may have used relatively high-tech methods to gather information on their opponents' strategies, but spying on the other team is nothing new. Onion Sports looks back at the history of sports espionage:

1905: Catcher Johnny Bassler invents a system of numerical signs he could make with his fingers after he noticed batters were listening to the pitch calls he was yelling

1966: Suspicious of being spied on, Vince Lombardi shoots down the Goodyear Blimp, bringing tensions to a head and leading to the first ever clash between the AFL and NFL

1973: The Dallas Cowboys' elaborate system of underground tunnels is discovered when the team is announced and accidentally comes rushing out from under the 50-yard line

1982: St. Louis Cardinals spymaster Dennis Gurgely adopts the alias "Don Mattingly" and infiltrates the New York Yankees in the guise of a first baseman; in his 14 years with the team, the Yankees did not win a single championship

1984: Philadelphia Eagles defensive back Wes "Wrong Huddle" Hopkins is fined $25,000

1991: Hulk Hogan defeats Sergeant Slaughter for the heavyweight title after simply listening to Slaughter's filmed tirade about what he was going to do to Hogan in the ring

1992: Mets pitcher Sid Fernandez is caught blatantly stealing signs from Mets catchers

1998: NASCAR officials accuse Jeff Gordon of using his rearview mirror to watch what the other cars are doing

2000: The growing practice of lip-reading on NFL sidelines forces Jon Gruden to cover his gorgeous yet rugged face with his playcard

2006: During the Stanley Cup Finals, the NHL confiscates several strange television cameras and other video broadcast equipment from the RBC Center; it has never been determined who was filming these games, or why

2007: Bill Belichick purposely gets caught videotaping defensive play signals in order to divert public attention from his elite army of spies, who are cleverly disguised as fans, vendors, cheerleaders, referees, head coaches, and league commissioners

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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