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Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.
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Espionage In Sports

The Patriots may have used relatively high-tech methods to gather information on their opponents' strategies, but spying on the other team is nothing new. Onion Sports looks back at the history of sports espionage:

1905: Catcher Johnny Bassler invents a system of numerical signs he could make with his fingers after he noticed batters were listening to the pitch calls he was yelling

1966: Suspicious of being spied on, Vince Lombardi shoots down the Goodyear Blimp, bringing tensions to a head and leading to the first ever clash between the AFL and NFL

1973: The Dallas Cowboys' elaborate system of underground tunnels is discovered when the team is announced and accidentally comes rushing out from under the 50-yard line

1982: St. Louis Cardinals spymaster Dennis Gurgely adopts the alias "Don Mattingly" and infiltrates the New York Yankees in the guise of a first baseman; in his 14 years with the team, the Yankees did not win a single championship

1984: Philadelphia Eagles defensive back Wes "Wrong Huddle" Hopkins is fined $25,000

1991: Hulk Hogan defeats Sergeant Slaughter for the heavyweight title after simply listening to Slaughter's filmed tirade about what he was going to do to Hogan in the ring

1992: Mets pitcher Sid Fernandez is caught blatantly stealing signs from Mets catchers

1998: NASCAR officials accuse Jeff Gordon of using his rearview mirror to watch what the other cars are doing

2000: The growing practice of lip-reading on NFL sidelines forces Jon Gruden to cover his gorgeous yet rugged face with his playcard

2006: During the Stanley Cup Finals, the NHL confiscates several strange television cameras and other video broadcast equipment from the RBC Center; it has never been determined who was filming these games, or why

2007: Bill Belichick purposely gets caught videotaping defensive play signals in order to divert public attention from his elite army of spies, who are cleverly disguised as fans, vendors, cheerleaders, referees, head coaches, and league commissioners

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