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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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European Debt Crisis Solutions

As the debt crisis continues to batter Europe’s finances, many countries, including Greece, Spain, and Italy, have been forced to impose severe austerity measures. Here are some of the efforts being taken to tighten budgets:

  • Austria: $5 surcharge every time anyone in the world watches The Sound Of Music
  • Italy: Suspending all sewage and trash pickup services, effective 1993
  • Greece: Government to lay off thousands of government-employed antigovernment protesters
  • The Netherlands: Releasing part two of Anne Frank’s diary
  • Finland: Increasing one of those European-sounding taxes, like the GATT, or the VAT, or the SCRAT, or whatever
  • Andorra: Tourism board charged with really getting the word out there about Andorra.
  • Poland: World War II–related tours now cost the usual price plus whatever is in one’s pockets and also that watch
  • Portugal: Quietly breaking away from Spain in the middle of the night and floating across the Atlantic in search of a better life
  • Germany: Subtly reminding the rest of Europe what happened last time they faced hyperinflation

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