adBlockCheck

Recent News

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
End Of Section
  • More News

Events Leading Up To N. Korea Nuclear Test

Two weeks ago, North Korea detonated a nuclear bomb. Here is the series of developments that led up to this test:

  • 1986: Kim Jong-Il tells thugs in a local bar he'll "show them all"
  • 1993: North Korea realizes they have all the components needed to build nuclear bombs just lying around
  • 1996: Kim Jong-Il decides individual murders take too long
  • 1998: Military begins digging really big holes
  • 2002: Fact that Bush includes North Korea in "Axis Of Evil" encourages them to act accordingly
  • 2003: Nation starts ducking all of CIA's phone calls
  • 2005: Prior to U.N. weapons inspections, Kim Jong-Il orders all bombs to be hidden behind his various portraits throughout country
  • 2006: Government conducts experiments to determine how long an entire nation can go without food

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close