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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.
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Events Leading Up To N. Korea Nuclear Test

Two weeks ago, North Korea detonated a nuclear bomb. Here is the series of developments that led up to this test:

  • 1986: Kim Jong-Il tells thugs in a local bar he'll "show them all"
  • 1993: North Korea realizes they have all the components needed to build nuclear bombs just lying around
  • 1996: Kim Jong-Il decides individual murders take too long
  • 1998: Military begins digging really big holes
  • 2002: Fact that Bush includes North Korea in "Axis Of Evil" encourages them to act accordingly
  • 2003: Nation starts ducking all of CIA's phone calls
  • 2005: Prior to U.N. weapons inspections, Kim Jong-Il orders all bombs to be hidden behind his various portraits throughout country
  • 2006: Government conducts experiments to determine how long an entire nation can go without food

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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

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