adBlockCheck

Everyday Customers Mistaken For Terrorists

Top Headlines

Recent News

The TSA’s Plans For Improvement

The Transportation Security Administration has pledged to revamp its processes in response to recent record-setting airport lines and wait times. Here are some ways in which the TSA plans to improve

God Admits Stealing Idea For Messiah From Zoroastrianism

THE HEAVENS—Under pressure from scholars, who for centuries have pointed out strong similarities between certain aspects of the two religions, God finally admitted Tuesday that He had stolen the idea for the Messiah from Zoroastrianism and used it as a major feature of the Judeo-Christian tradition.

Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Everyday Customers Mistaken For Terrorists

Recently, there has been a rash of incidents wherein ordinary people are being denied services, such as flights or car rentals, because they share the names of known or suspected terrorists. Here are some people who are being affected:

Josie Bin Laden, Hanover, NH: Financial aid cut during junior year at Dartmouth

Officer Chuck "The Jackal" Wilson, Chicago: Refused tickets for Policemen's Spring Ball

Mr. Abu Ghraib, Akron, OH: Prohibited from renting a copy of Bring It On at Blockbuster

Abdul Baqi, Musa Hottak, Muhammad Rasul, Yar Arsala, Bremerton, WA: Rock group Bavarian Cream not allowed to compete in Battle of the Bands

Timothy McVeigh, Knoxville, TN: Daily routine constantly interrupted by people asking him if he's that Timothy McVeigh

Ali Muhsin, Dallas: Hasn't been able to purchase so much as a pair of trousers in four years

Ali Atwa, San Francisco: Denied access to an airplane he planned to fly into the Golden Gate Bridge, even though it was for personal reasons and not for a radical Islamic cause

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close