adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
End Of Section
  • More News

Evolution Of Obama's Gay Marriage Stance

Last week, President Obama announced he is now in favor of gay marriage and said his stance had evolved over the past two years. Here are some of the evolutionary stages of Obama's opinion:

  • Nov. 30, 2008: The president is so moved by the film Milk that he decides to watch all of Sean Penn's other movies
  • Oct. 21, 2009: Sees Dick Cheney on television criticizing the administration's Afghanistan policy, thinks the former vice president might be a little happier if his daughter were married
  • November 23, 2009: Stops using the word "gay" to describe Vice President Biden's opinion on foreign affairs
  • Apr. 15, 2010: Is touched by impassioned letter from Rip Taylor saying that his final goal in life is to throw confetti at his own wedding
  • Oct. 14, 2010: After years of resistance, Obama finally starts to get into the Scissor Sisters
  • Apr. 3, 2011: Obama struggles with his position, his conscience saying, "Demand equality for gays now," and his poll numbers saying, "Wait for some more old withered bigots to die off first"
  • Apr. 26, 2012: 10-year-old daughter Sasha explains to him that gay marriage is uncontroversial for the vast majority of young people and, in 20 years, opposing it will seem to them as inexplicable as supporting segregation
  • May 8, 2012: Vice President Joe Biden sticks his head into Oval Office and asks, "What the fuck are you afraid of?"

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close