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Explaining the 2007 BCS Top Ten

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Explaining the 2007 BCS Top Ten

1. Ohio State (11-1): Shows what can happen in a contentious season if you just play pretty good football and wait for everyone to throw up their hands, say "screw it," and vote you No. 1 out of habit

2. LSU (11-2): The Tigers were able to leap from No. 7 to No. 2 in the final week when the BCS computer factored in the average start time of their games

3. Virginia Tech (11-2): Pollers felt need to move Virginia Tech up to No. 3 so they could play in the FedEx Orange Bowl, as in light of past events, it would have been insensitive to invite them to the Tostitos Unspeakable Tragedy Bowl

4. Oklahoma (11-2): Once again the Sooners make it into the top five because someone on the team has an uncle who knows the BCS computer

5. Georgia (10-2): [cue banjo music]

6. Missouri (11-2): Despite numerous letters, phone calls, and visits from NCAA officials, the Tigers still think they're going to the BCS National Championship

7. USC (10-2): Alumnus Judd Apatow had a pretty good year overall

8. Kansas (11-1): Would have been ranked higher, but committee hated their arch, theatrical habit of beginning away games by observing they were not in Kansas anymore

9. West Virginia (10-2): Oh, okay, yeah, West Virginia, they were good, then they lost, still good but, you know, they're the No. 9 team, fine, whatever. Who gives a shit at this point?

10. Hawaii (12-0): Finally advanced to first BCS after beating Hawaii State, South Hawaii, and Hawaii A&M four times each

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