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Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?
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Explaining the 2007 BCS Top Ten

1. Ohio State (11-1): Shows what can happen in a contentious season if you just play pretty good football and wait for everyone to throw up their hands, say "screw it," and vote you No. 1 out of habit

2. LSU (11-2): The Tigers were able to leap from No. 7 to No. 2 in the final week when the BCS computer factored in the average start time of their games

3. Virginia Tech (11-2): Pollers felt need to move Virginia Tech up to No. 3 so they could play in the FedEx Orange Bowl, as in light of past events, it would have been insensitive to invite them to the Tostitos Unspeakable Tragedy Bowl

4. Oklahoma (11-2): Once again the Sooners make it into the top five because someone on the team has an uncle who knows the BCS computer

5. Georgia (10-2): [cue banjo music]

6. Missouri (11-2): Despite numerous letters, phone calls, and visits from NCAA officials, the Tigers still think they're going to the BCS National Championship

7. USC (10-2): Alumnus Judd Apatow had a pretty good year overall

8. Kansas (11-1): Would have been ranked higher, but committee hated their arch, theatrical habit of beginning away games by observing they were not in Kansas anymore

9. West Virginia (10-2): Oh, okay, yeah, West Virginia, they were good, then they lost, still good but, you know, they're the No. 9 team, fine, whatever. Who gives a shit at this point?

10. Hawaii (12-0): Finally advanced to first BCS after beating Hawaii State, South Hawaii, and Hawaii A&M four times each

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