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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Explore Your Year: Timeline 2008

An exhaustive recap of every important event:

Jan 22: Hollywood mourns the loss of a sequel

Feb 24: Kid brother receives hand-me-down Cuban dictatorship

March 15: Jeff's birthday

April 15: Delta, Northwest Airlines merger forms the world's longest check-in line

May 30: An adorable robot searches for love in the summer blockbuster 'Sex And The City'

June 27: Robert Mugabe re-elected with massive grassroots violence campaign

July 12: 97lb Amy Winehouse is followed everywhere by sound of low, tolling bell

August 7th: Cheney is outraged over invasion of smaller country by Superpower

Sept 20: Louis Vuitton Bag attached to end of stick

Sept. 24: Mother Nature enters menopause

Oct 4: Bunch of rich jerks fuck everyone right in the ass

Oct 15: GOP spends $15 on Todd Palin's goatee

Oct 22: Thousands of astronauts cling to the side of India's first spacecraft launch

Nov 4: Lincoln memorial seems more relaxed following Obama victory

Nov 8: Russia decommissions 20 Navy officers 30,000 feet below sea level

Nov. 27th: World's Muslims complain Eid al-Adha decorations going up earlier every year

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